March 2025 – An Early Summer and Delayed Motivation for Life #412

Week 1:

March kicked off with the usual test preparations! I’ve taken countless tests in my life, yet I still can’t shake the inexplicable fear that comes with each one. Fear, nervousness, anxiety, and yes, stress-pooping — it’s the full spectrum of emotions I go through before every exam, big or small.

There are, however, a few exceptions:

1. When I’ve completely given up on the outcome — when I’ve accepted my fate with a resigned, “Nothing can save me now!”
2. Or when I’m so immersed in studying that I don’t even have time to notice the knots in my stomach.

After what I can only describe as “horrible” preparation, I took the exam. I have no idea how I did, but I’m just relieved it’s over. The weekend flew by in a blur because of the exam, and then another workweek began.

I went to the office for a couple of days and worked remotely for the rest. The office environment feels a bit more structured than before, though I still have my doubts about how much it’s actually adding to the business.

This week, a few more people reached out to me for job referrals and general career advice. I always feel the need to remind job-seekers that a referral doesn’t guarantee a job. Many people overlook this crucial fact. Job hunting is a tricky business, and negotiating a competitive salary can be even harder.

In a recent conversation with a carpooling colleague, I learned something interesting. Despite being a few years junior to me, he earns significantly more. Instead of blaming gender bias or falling into self-loathing, I decided to look closer at the details.

My colleague, who has similar bachelor’s degree as mine, picked up in-demand coding skills while in college. He joined a research group led by two professors, building valuable connections along the way. Eventually, he participated in a special hiring drive with a handful of other talented students and landed a job at this company. Over time, he earned promotions and salary hikes to get to where he is today.

Rather than settling for his decently paying job, he started applying for new opportunities. He crafted an impressive resume and made sure to attend every interview call he received. Now, he has a couple of offers in hand and is leveraging them to negotiate a higher salary.

Confidence and smart work are key. Networking also plays a significant role. I’m now thinking about how I can apply these lessons to my own life.

Week 2:

The second week of March ’25 began with a rare luxury—a weekend without classes. For the first time in a long while, I had an entire weekend to myself.

Despite the mountain of assignments and looming deadlines, I chose to switch my logic off and spent the weekend spiraling down and crawling back up the rabbit hole of overthinking and existential despair.

In an attempt to distract myself, I picked up the Shiva Purana again. I had put it aside for the last couple of months, overwhelmed by personal and professional commitments. It’s not that I suddenly have more free time now, but reading it feels like a band-aid on my deteriorating mental health—just enough to keep me going.

During the week, I went to the office for a couple of days. Luckily, I managed to get a car ride for some of them. These rides have been a blessing—not just for the reduced expenses, comfort, and flexibility, but also because my colleague often shares insights from his married life or crazy travel stories.

I’ve spent most of my life in my hometown, and on top of that, I rarely leave the house. It’s something I’ve grown increasingly frustrated about. Over the years, my friends and colleagues have slowly drifted apart, and I haven’t really made new ones to fill the void. While I’ve grown comfortable being by myself, this week, I had a lighthearted conversation about life with someone after a long time. And honestly? It felt like a breath of fresh air.

Week 3:

Over the weekend, we visited a nearby temple. Unlike our previous trips, we deliberately kept this one brief. We attended a round of puja, walked around the surrounding temples, took some prasad, and headed back home.

The temple felt more crowded than usual—toddlers running around, young couples adding to the chaos. My soul is desperately craving peace and quiet, and for a brief moment, I found it under the old banyan tree near the temple. I need a break—a proper one, something that will actually recharge my body and mind. But no matter where I look, I’m not finding it.

The rest of the weekend? Completely unproductive.

The weekdays blurred by, with me going to the office just once. My routine has started to feel painfully mundane—mind-numbing, even. There’s no excitement, no sense of purpose in either my professional or personal work.

In an attempt to shake things up, I started learning a new skill. Admittedly, I have far more urgent tasks demanding my attention, but I’ve been seriously lacking the motivation to tackle them. So, for now, I’m allowing myself this little detour—hoping it leads me somewhere better.

Week 4:

After a two-week break, my classes resumed, bringing with them a fresh wave of assignments, projects, and deadlines. No matter how much work piles up, I can barely make a dent in it over the weekend. And just like that, another Monday rolled in.

I commuted to the office a couple of days through carpooling. My colleague shared his struggles with me—how family obligations were making him hesitant to seek better job opportunities in different cities.

One of those days, we had a small road incident. Someone ahead of us hit the brakes abruptly, forcing everyone behind to do the same. While the first car sped away unbothered, my colleague’s car gently bumped into another vehicle in front. No scratches, no damage—just a minor nudge. But a middle-aged man stepped out of the other car, yelling and hurling abuses.

According to my colleague, stopping any sooner would have been riskier, as the two-wheelers behind us might have slammed into our car with more force. Instead of getting defensive or arguing back, he calmly explained the situation, defusing the tension with a composed demeanor. His car did end up with a few scratches at the back, but he barely seemed bothered. Just a couple of days earlier, he had told me how pointless it is to fight with strangers over such incidents—and here he was, practicing exactly what he preached.

As a passenger, the whole situation felt awkward. I wasn’t paying attention to the road, so the sudden braking startled me, leaving me confused about what had happened. While people were arguing outside, I sat there, completely blank, trying to piece things together from fragments of their conversation. Later, my colleague filled me in on the details. Honestly, I have no idea how someone as absentminded as I am manages to get through life.

The entire week, my mind felt clouded—cluttered with both rational and irrational fears, and weighed down by the stress of not being on top of my tasks.

By the end of the month, one of my cousins visited us with his wife. So much has changed in all our lives since their last visit two years ago—it felt strange reflecting on how time had flown.

Work-wise, there was a lot of uncertainty around contract renewal. I made a conscious effort not to get too emotionally invested in any particular outcome. Renewing the contract has its own pros and cons, but it’s beyond my control, so I decided not to dwell on it too much.

For my coursework, I started working on a group project with a classmate. Though, if I’m being honest, I am a little worried about the effectiveness of ‘group’ at this moment.

March 2025 Highlights

1. I requested my mum to make pasta with the tomato chutney base (usually served with South Indian breakfasts like Idli, Dosa etc). She made with 2 variations; 1 with beetroot puree added to the sweet and tangy chutney (pic 1), the other one is simply with the tomato chutney as base(pic 2).
   
   The roasted urad dal added some extra crunch to it. We all loved this fusion, although some might find it strange.
   
2. I discovered some amazing butter cookies (pic 4 & pic 6), they come in a cute tin box and get finished within minutes!
   
3. Summer is early this year and we are getting more innovative with snacking. Gond katira/Almond gum/Tragacanth Gum soaked over night + freshly grated coconuts + vanilla ice-cream + sugar-cane jaggery – became an instant hit at our home. (pic 3)
   
4. The lovely bougainvillea plant is in bloom again. (pic 4)