December 2025: A Month That Asked Too Much #447

I entered December already tired. The month noticed, and still asked for more.

Week 1

The month started on a Monday, and because weekends are still eaten up by syncing with the Professor and then, separately, with batchmates—it barely feels like free time anymore. I stepped into a new week already drained, both mentally and physically.

I went to work only one day this week. The workplace is usually quieter at the beginning of the month, but my mind was loud and restless. The first half of the week felt overwhelming. I had my last meeting with the engineer who was leaving the team… and she handed me a massive list of things that needed to be done over the next 5–6 months. That single document shifted something inside me. It meant I’d have far more on my plate than I had imagined.

I’ve never been afraid of hard work or of putting in extra hours—even when it costs me personal time, or sometimes, my health. But the lack of future visibility… the feeling of being stuck in one place for too long… that is paralyzing in a very different way.

On the coursework front, there were still a few fixes pending. The initial relief of getting a couple of extra weeks to finish the semester had slowly worn off for all of us. Now, what we wanted more than anything was razor-sharp focus for just a few days—to finish what truly mattered and bring the semester to a close. By the second half of the week, my attention shifted almost entirely to fixing issues in my capstone project.

My mind felt fogged throughout. Motivation was barely present. As the weekend approached, I felt numb and deeply unmotivated. I could have stayed in bed for days, losing track of time completely—but that wasn’t an option.

This was also the week I was supposed to take interviews for my employer. Somehow, mysteriously, none of them got scheduled during the weekdays. And then, of course, Saturday arrived with everything landing on the same day—interviews (with me as a panelist) and a sync-up with the Professor.

The sync-up was scheduled for the first half of the day, so I had lined up interviews for the second half. Naturally, the Professor rescheduled our call to the second half instead—adding that extra layer of stress I’ve come to expect by now. But by this point in the semester, I had learned how to keep myself from drowning in anxiety.

I called the candidates and asked if they were okay shifting the calls—some 30 minutes earlier, some an hour earlier. I managed to get two people to meet an hour ahead of schedule and one person half an hour later, giving me just enough breathing room to attend the sync-up.

After speaking to many candidates, I’ve noticed a few patterns:

People are far more likely to agree to a 30-minute or 1-hour shift than a 3–4 hour one.
Candidates are more open to postponing interviews than moving them earlier.
Those who don’t respond to calls are usually no-shows.

Despite everything, taking interviews is often enlightening—and sometimes unexpectedly entertaining.

This week, I encountered a few particularly strange candidates. One started the interview by asking me about my location. Throughout the conversation, he kept derailing into barely relevant topics. When I asked the customary “Do you have any questions for me?”, he responded with:
“Tell me about yourself.”
…and
“What do you feel about AI being romanticized these days?”

The irony, of course, was that the role itself was heavily AI-focused.

Then there was another candidate who simply couldn’t stop talking about an award he had won two days earlier. He spoke at length about how senior management at his current company was going goo-goo-ga-ga over his work, how he had rejected an offer because it wasn’t aligned with his “market value,” and how he wanted to make waves in his next job. I tried my best to evaluate his technical skills—it was a technical round—but by the end, he felt more like a salesman pitching a product without understanding the buyer.

These days, I try to bake something every weekend. This time, I baked a pound cake, and Mum helped me prepare a blueberry sauce to go with it. As a family of four, our dessert preferences couldn’t be more different.
My father, living with diabetes for decades now, still smiles widely at the sight of anything sweet.
My mother prefers mildly sweet desserts.
My sister likes her desserts SWEET.
And I prefer mine lightly sweetened—with the option to customize.

For the past two weeks, I had followed simple recipes from ChatGPT, and every single time, I failed to make something that worked for everyone.

So this weekend, I trusted my instinct. I scaled down the sugar in the original recipe and planned a sweet-and-tart blueberry sauce for anyone who wanted an extra punch of flavor. It felt like a small but meaningful win.

Week 2

The second week wasn’t very different from the first. We kept making small adjustments and improvements to our coursework while anxiously waiting for the Professor to tell us how the semester would conclude. Meanwhile, he had already shifted gears to the next semester—bringing in collaborators, stakeholders, and new expectations.

Work started becoming more intense, forcing me out of my comfort zone. With several senior engineers having left the team, the gaps they left behind were undeniable. I tried to keep up with all the new responsibilities without overwhelming myself. I went to the office a couple of days—days where I focused only on work commitments and nothing else. I remained tired and restless the rest of the time.

By the end of the week, we finally learned about the semester deadlines and deliverables—information we had been waiting for over the past 2–3 weeks. I also had a conversation with my supervisor, which turned out to be deeply disappointing. It wasn’t just the lack of growth opportunities—it was the lack of appreciation that truly frustrated me. I nodded through the empty reassurances and quietly wished for this phase to pass.

My heart sank.
How long do I keep going like this before things get better?

The hope that things might improve someday keeps us moving—even though there’s no guarantee. A brief conversation with our Guruji brought a small sense of peace to my otherwise exhausted mind.

The weekend recruitment got canceled, giving me some much-needed breathing room. We did have a sync-up with the Professor, though—the kind of brainstorming sessions we’re supposed to have at the start of the semester, but were having now. The rest of the weekend went into coursework.

The highlight of the week: we finally got a new washing machine. After struggling for 5–6 months—first with the manufacturer, then with a third-party repair service, countless calls to customer support, a delayed refund, and chasing local repairmen to return parts and charges—it finally ended.

I also heard that one of our classmates was getting married soon. It brought a gentle sadness—the realization of how we turned from friends into strangers over the past two years, and how we might never cross paths again. I’ve lost touch with almost everyone I went to school or college with. Making friends at work feels even harder.

Somehow, isolation has become a peaceful space—one where I shape my hopes, my dreams, and slowly heal from countless betrayals. It’s been so long since I casually hung out with a group that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be called a friend.

Week 3

The third week was probably the most intense period of the month. We finally received the final list of submissions for the end-semester evaluation. I had already informed my workplace about my leave plans, but I still had to work for the first three days of the week. With the assignment deadline falling on a Friday instead of a Sunday, the pressure felt heavier.

I decided to work from home and focused on getting my assignments into a “good enough” state first. There were still details I wanted to polish, but my priority was making everything submission-ready. The planning worked. I finished the core deliverables and managed to incorporate a few additional improvements before submitting. By Friday evening, I was done.

Later, I saw an email from the Professor extending the deadline to Sunday—but it didn’t matter to me anymore. I didn’t want to stretch myself further. There was no official “last class,” so we were still unsure whether another sync-up would appear out of nowhere. Thankfully, the Professor went on a trip and left instructions to submit the work.

It felt like I had gifted myself a lazy weekend—after months of busy ones.

Over the weekend, I started watching K-dramas again. After some deliberation, I picked Lovely Runner (2023). I’m planning to write a review soon.

Week 4

We entered the final week—not just of the month, but of the year. A huge weight lifted off my chest after the semester ended. Now, my focus shifted back to work and the overwhelming backlog waiting for me.

I started going to the office again, and the winter mornings felt even chillier. By midweek, I was down with fever and cough. While everyone else went on vacation, I decided to keep making progress at work—it was easier to focus without daily late-night meetings.

I usually bake a cake on December 25th, but this year, my physical and mental health made it impossible. I finally baked one a day later—from a cake box.

As the year drew to a close, I found myself extremely irritable and unmotivated. I had so many plans for the break, but ended up confined within the four walls of my bedroom.

This week, I watched a few episodes of the Filipino drama Ang Mutya ng Section E (Season 2) and the popular K-drama Crash Landing on You (2019).

Winter tightened its grip, and I had to go to the office until the very last day of the year—sitting in that gloomy, dark zone. The stakes at work are high right now: lots of exposure, and just as many responsibilities.

I also received my semester grades—though a week late due to a technical glitch.

Then there were other things happening at work, making me jump through many hoops for compliance…
Everything, literally everything tested my patience at a different level during this time.

Free plum cake sample that came with my groceries, I don’t like plum cakes and I don’t understand the hype around it either.
A personal size vanilla cake with grated carrots in it, the carrots tasted like nothing.
My sister is obsessed with frothing the cream and making instant coffees. This one was vanilla flavor, quite decent, I’d say.
Chaal makha, a drink made from aromatic rice flour, grated coconut, coconut water, ginger and sugar.
A fancy looking daliya, for my breakfast.
Pound cake from Rawa cake recipe, my father would has something against the shape of the cake- he kept asking me to use round tin.
Homemade Idlis with Sambar and Tomato chutney.
Chocolate Cake from box mix- a delayed treat for Christmas.

That’s all for today, thank you for stopping by!