May 2026: The Weight of Many Things.

Week 1

The month of May 2026 started with a delightful national holiday. I spent the day resting at home and working on the capstone project ahead of our weekly sync-up. The weekend wasn’t particularly eventful either—apart from catching up with my professor and fellow batchmates.

As the work week began, office responsibilities took top priority. We had an important launch at our client company, and I was on-call alongside another team member during the first two days. In my first job, on-call support used to be nerve-racking. I was a junior developer back then; calls could come at any hour of the night, and I was expected to troubleshoot and resolve issues immediately. Speaking with senior managers, cross-functional teams, and SMEs made me incredibly nervous.

Things are quite different in my current project. I’m now a senior developer and an SME myself. While I still don’t know everything, our team’s culture is far less intimidating, which makes a significant difference.

We also had the election results this week. Although I had remained largely aloof from the campaigns and political discussions, I still found myself glued to the live count, hoping for the well-being of my country and its people. The overall reaction seemed mostly positive, but personally, I felt neither happy nor disappointed. The success or failure of any collective choice will only become clear over the next few years. For now, we’re all operating on assumptions.

The last couple of days of the week were spent traveling to the office. Those days were equally productive and exhausting.

Week 2

The second week started on a Friday. I had to log in for work while running on very little sleep after several consecutive office days, all while juggling capstone project responsibilities.

The weekend arrived as usual, though we didn’t have our professor sync-up due to an emergency on his end. I spoke with my batchmates about the next steps for the project and spent most of the rest of the weekend catching up on much-needed sleep.

Week 3

And just like that, the third week rolled in.

Most of my time was consumed by the capstone project—fixing issues, making incremental improvements, creating charts, writing technical reports, and handling countless small tasks. One teammate actively contributed, while another remained frustratingly passive throughout the process.

I made steady progress in my office work as well, though unnecessary approvals, administrative delays, and a general lack of recognition left me feeling consistently frustrated.

Meanwhile, we continued struggling through the extreme heat and humidity. Financially, it felt like there were more avenues for money to leave than to come in.

My mind remained restless. I kept having repetitive dreams that I couldn’t quite make sense of. Around the same time, news of Guruji’s deteriorating health added another layer of concern.

Week 4

I gave everything I had to the final week of May.

According to the academic calendar, this was supposed to be the official end of the semester, which meant all project work had to be submitted by month-end. I had already taken several days off from work to ensure the capstone was completed on time. My anxiety rarely allows me to relax when there’s a large unfinished task hanging over my head.

What frustrated me the most was seeing how unconcerned some teammates seemed about deadlines. Nobody wanted to take initiative or ownership. I waited for a while—not because I expected others to do my work, but because I’ve often faced resistance whenever I try to push a team toward finishing tasks early. In my experience, many people are comfortable procrastinating until the last possible moment and prefer avoiding responsibility altogether.

Unfortunately, despite my efforts to step back, I ended up taking charge once again. I handled most of the remaining work, coordinated reviews, and repeatedly followed up with the team. Even the final action items and review comments eventually found their way back to me.

I was extremely frustrated with the situation, though I also recognize my own role in it. I have a tendency to overextend myself and take on more work than necessary, partly out of fear that otherwise I won’t be contributing enough. Perhaps that’s also why I keep finding myself in situations where others become comfortable relying on me to carry the extra load.

Then, much to my surprise, the final submission deadline was extended. Just like last semester, I ended up looking a little foolish for planning my leave around the original schedule, only to see the deadline move afterward.

During the last few days of the month, my health deteriorated significantly. I spent two full days mostly in bed, getting up only for meals and basic necessities.

I also found myself struggling with family-related disappointments. It’s not a question of love—there is love on both sides—but some wounds are harder to move past than others. Acts of care can help, but they don’t automatically erase hurt or rebuild trust.

As someone on the internet once put it:

“Trauma is like piss in your milkshake. No amount of sugar can undo the fact that it’s there.”

By the end of the month, I felt exhausted—physically, mentally, and spiritually. May was a month of responsibilities, frustrations, unfinished expectations, and simply trying to keep going despite everything.

Camera Roll

Oatmeal cookies loaded with seeds, nuts and dry-fruits, this month’s only baking venture.
Home-made Paneer wrap: Pan-fried paneer with parboiled cabbage and carrot strips (raw vegetables are mostly avoided in this house)
Order some fudge brownies after long time.

That’s all for today, see you in another one!