Week 1
The month of September started with many things on my plate. At work, our project was pushed ahead by two weeks, and we had a soft launch on September 1st. I cannot explain in words how much of an emotional roller coaster it had been for all of us over the last two weeks… Directors, senior managers, lead engineers; everyone could feel the anxiety rushing in. We all locked in, trimmed the work as much as we could, and focused on delivering a working solution for the soft launch. Our AI companion was as hard at work as the rest of us, keeping us on track.
From engineering to operations, every team stayed on their toes, waiting for any bug reports. Luckily, for my team, there weren’t many. So I could focus more on performance monitoring, offline validation, and getting ready for a pilot with a larger population by mid-September.
My “self-improvement journey” continued as usual. This week, I had written a bunch of tests. I wouldn’t say any of them went exceptionally well. Needless to say, this journey has taken me out of my depth in ways I didn’t imagine… I still try to show up and treat that as some form of progress!
This week, I also travelled to the office for a couple of days. I was making small but intentional changes to my routine to reduce the constant stress and anxiety. I tried to have my meals on time, take a stroll for a few minutes in nature after a meal, and listen to some light music while looking at the flowers and birds around me. They may sound trivial, but they made a difference that I could actually feel.
Week 2
This week, the main highlight had to be the weather. Honestly, I haven’t seen this much rain in many years… Almost every other day, it was raining heavily. And I needed to go to work for a couple of days to finish off my mandatory attendance for the month as soon as I could.
One of these days, I witnessed people walking in knee-deep water right outside a gated society while going to work. Big vehicles like buses and trucks had their wheels almost completely submerged, creating huge waves as they moved through the water, nearly drowning motorbike riders and some low-height cars… Somehow, living in a small apartment building in the suburbs and travelling by local bus looked like a luxury, as we weren’t as severely affected by the waterlogging.
Work remained more or less the same as the first week. So I could breathe a little while watching the rain and feeling the cold, wet breeze brushing against my face during break time. Our office buildings operate on centralized AC, and through the large glass windows, I watched the green farmlands and big trees stretching all the way to the horizon.
After going to the office for three consecutive days, I totally lost it during the weekend. I was down with a mild fever, a headache and nausea. I spent the weekend cancelling on the tests. There is a disproportionate amount of pressure I have been dealing with right now, and my body and mind keep rebelling against it from time to time.
Week 3
This week, I was working from home, and we were all set for the pilot. The whole week seemed like a mix of many things: my senior manager going on PTO, another lead engineer whom I was working closely with going on parental leave a few days before planned, and having a conversation about some other exciting new work with an executive.
On the other hand, I had to buckle down and show up for more tests…
My nervous system remained on high alert for the whole week. And by the end of it, I had grown sort of numb to everything. I cannot study for another test. I cannot feel the remorse of a failure, nor can I feel the excitement of clearing one.
Week 4
Then came the last week of the month; probably the busiest of all.
I had to go to the clinic for an annual routine check-up. I can’t decide which was more annoying for me; waking up early on a weekend or waiting for my turn on an empty stomach.
During the weekdays, I was occupied with writing many tests, emails and paperwork. My personal workload pushed my office workload into a corner.
Everything looked urgent. Everything seemed non-negotiable. However, I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to take everything up at once, inadvertently dropping some commitments here and there and pushing forward with the remaining ones.
Other Highlights
- A pair of night-queen flowers bloomed after nearly three years.
- On the days when I could find a breather or two, I took photos of those little flowers at my workplace.
- I also baked a chocolate cake from a box mix. Apparently, everybody is loving this brand.
- I watched two K-dramas this month: When the Weather Is Fine and When the Camellia Blooms. Both have beautiful stories, and I wish to tell you guys about them very soon.
- I also managed to put up some decorations for Durga Puja + Diwali.
I wish I had more time to bake, go for a walk, or read a book that had nothing to do with studies.
I wish I could wake up in the morning feeling excited about the day.
That’s all for today, see you in another one!
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